Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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