I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
