you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
