Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
