Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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