??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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