how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
