Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
