i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
