I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
