She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
