You made me cry and you don't even care
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
