my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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