there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
