Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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