Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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