I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
