It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
