So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
