I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
