you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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