i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
