so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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