i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
