U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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