Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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