i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
