That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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