Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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