fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
