and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
