I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
