You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
