haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
