I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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