Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
