I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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