my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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