there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
