The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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