my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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