You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
