Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
