If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
