he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
