I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And then he peed in my hair
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