Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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