she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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