The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
