When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
